The Red Herring

I went down to the bar I work at yesterday to catch up with my other workmates. Specifically Sam, who is gay, who I meet nearly every week to update on our *very* interesting lives. (A 'Samdate' if you will)

After sitting at the bar for about half an hour it started to get busy and Sam had to stop the conversation and focus on serving. So I just drank and waited.

"Can I join you?"

A customer had approached me with his pint. He was about my height, with spiked auburn hair and blue/hazel eyes.

I said yes obviously.

We were talking for ages. His name is Steve, he's a chef (at one of my favorite restaurants weirdly), he loves film and hopes to become a shorts director, he's moving to an apartment on the other side of town to get away from his shared housing nightmare.... Oh and he speaks French.....

:-D

We were buying each other drinks and even when other people came over to join us, to speak to him, or to me - he would casually deflect them and begin talking to me again.

He went to the bathroom and my workmate Suzie grabbed me by the arm...

"That guy was really checking you out..."

I smiled. I thought so.

I have previously highlighted my distinct lack of Gaydar, but recently I feel like I have been getting a little better. A little...

Suzie's comment gave me a little more confidence in my analysis.

When he returned we continued to talk. About my degree and him spending all of last year in France. I talked about my favourite French cities. Eventually we got onto the subject of La Rochelle...

"Yeah my girlfriend is obsessed with that place"

Shit.

I found my head suddenly rewinding through the whole conversation. Trying to understand how I didn't see this before. Attemping to reassess all of the flirty banter.

I felt cheated. Lead on....

But in all fairness this guy had just been speaking. He was talking to me. Maybe he wasn't interested - just lonely at the bar and wanted a chat.

And then came that sickening feeling where you realise you may have just become 'that' gay.

Incapable of holding a normal conversation with a guy without thinking they are coming on to you - Translating innocent phrases like 'Can I join you' into 'Your house or mine?' like some tragic sexual desperado. Ugh.

I pacified myself eventually and today went on with my life.

On my train back to town, Sam (who was working again and wanted us to finish our Samdate) text me to tell me 'That chef guy' had come in.

I got off the train, rushed through the station, practically speed-walked to the bar...

(What am I doing?!)

It was SO strange. Why was I excited about seeing him?! Why was I acting like this...?!

I (casually) walked in, met Sam, spoke for a little and scoped the place for Steve from the bar but I couldn't see him.

Sam explained he was with his group of friends in the corner. We joked about him, carrying on our conversation.

Steve appeared next to me, I greeted him

He was wearing a shirt this time. A formal black shirt. (FIT!)

He started talking to me about what he'd been up to, he asked me about my day...

Banter.

Right?

My manager and Sam kept indicating that he was flirting, my manager point blank refusing to believe he wasn't despite the girlfriend factor.

After two hours (which passed TOO fast?!) I decided I needed to go home.

He agreed. He was tired too.

It was then that I realised he had left his friends to come and speak to me for the whole time I was there?? (Is that... normal? Would I do that?)

His taxi arrived and he waved goodbye and awkwardly placed himself into the car. (he's tall like me... low vehicles are a piss-take, as are public transport seats weirdly...) After he was seated I waved and smiled...

and watched him drive away?! UNTIL THE CAR WAS OUT OF SIGHT??!

UGH! UGH! UGH!

I may fancy a straight guy. I have SEEN him TWICE?!

It's like being fucking twelve all over again!!

What is going on?!